Yob's Blog

Beauty?

2006-05-01T08:24:00.000+10:00

Why is it that beauty is just skin deep? Does this mean that ugly goes right to the bone?

rant
life

What do you do when you are driving?

2006-04-25T10:39:00.000+10:00

The other day I saw a woman driving (not very well) whilst simultaneously talking on the mobile phone cradled between her shoulder and her ear and attempting to apply some make-up.

Now I know women claim that because they are of the fairer sex they can do more than one thing at once. I, for one, can accept that. I do not need to have it demonstrated by some idiot attempting to steer a half-tonne metal weapon with one elbow (and presumably one knee).

What do you do when you are driving? I think women do all these things (and more) when they are driving because they really can’t bring themselves to do what men do when they are driving – pick their nose!

Men do it singularly well because they can devote their energies to it! They are not distracted by telephone calls. They do it well because it can be done one-handed, unlike makeup that usually requires two hands to apply.

Men are also safer drivers because it seems that they invariably do it when stopped at traffic lights and not so much when they are driving. Maybe it is because men devote so much concentrated effort to ‘the pick’ that they have to do it at the lights as they couldn’t possibly manage to concentrate on the traffic at the same time.

What do you do when you are driving? What have you seen? Let us all know!

rant
life

Sunglasses on the head??

2006-04-22T09:48:00.000+10:00

A comment on my blog about Cat & Toast Power by an anonymous reader (although I have a good idea who anonymous might be!) has led me to this current rant.

Have you ever noticed the number of blokes wearing their sunglasses on the top of their head?? Does it bother you? What is it with these guys? Is there some delicate spot just forward of the crown but back from the forehead that needs special shielding from dangerous UV rays? Will the sun affect their brains if they don't wear them like that, OR is it that the sun has already affected their brain and that is why they wear them in that way?

Recently I went to a luncheon at the Cricketers Club at the Gabba. At the table next to us was a bloke (I use the term advisedly) who not only walked into the luncheon with his sunnies pushed up over his brow onto the top of the head, but they stayed there throughout the entire long lunch. He looked like a DORK!! Maybe he was trying to impress the selectors, as I have noticed a couple of Aussie cricketers wearing their sunnies in a similar fashion!

Girls will often push their sunnies off their eyes and into their hair and the glasses act like a hair band. I can understand this use of the glasses to keep hair out of the eyes, but most of the blokes you see wearing their sunnnies in this fashion have very closely cut hair (a number 1 or 2 blade at least). Therefore I can postulate (I like postulating) and extrapolate (I don't like extrapolating nearly as much as postulating, but it is a cool word and makes me sound smarter than I really am) that the blokes are not using the sunnies as a hair band. Pretty smart, huh?

I have had it put to me (by a top-of-the-head sunglass wearer) that the placing of the sunglasses in that position is just a convenience to save them from having to take them off. This is clearly BS!!!!!! If this were true, we would be seeing a lot of people pushing their plain reading or driving glasses up to the top of their head and walking around town with them there. When is the last time you saw anyone, man or woman, with plain, clear glasses pushed up over their brow?? I can't recall ever seeing it. This leads me to my final theory - more extrapolating!!!!!!

As there appears to be no practical reason for blokes to be wearing sunglasses on the top of the head and the only people who could have a practical reason for wearing them such are women, is it possible that all these 'blokes' are either (a) women in drag? (b) wish they were women? or as the current Governor of the great state of California recently said (in referring to some political opponents) (c) they are 'girlie-men'?

What do you think??

personal

What are you aiming at?

2006-04-20T06:46:00.000+10:00

I once read "Most people, in life, aim at nothing - and hit with amazing accuracy".

Such a cynical view! But strangely motivating, in a reverse kind of way. Don't you think?

rant
personal

Shopping

2006-04-20T06:35:00.000+10:00

I am a bloke. I am a yob. So you have to know what is about to come!

Why is it that men and women are so different when it comes to shopping? Is is that men are hunters? Is it that men have a list and they must hunt down an item and once found obtain the item (or kill it) and carry it home immediately as there is no more reward left for them - the hunt has been successful?

Why is it that when a women (take my wife for example) says she wants to go "shopping" (and I hear "hunting for a specific item"), I am always disappointed to learn that she meant

shooooooooooooooooppppppppppppppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggg!?

Are you the same?

rant
personal

Why is cooking so relaxing?

2006-04-06T18:09:00.000+10:00

Has anyone noticed that cooking can be therapeutic? No, I am not talking about just bashing something out on a week night to keep the kids happy and fed, but I am talking about taking the time to create something really nice - something potentially restaurant quality.

I haven't worked out what it is. Is it that I am just getting older? Am I losing my "yobbishness" - heaven forbid!! Is it that I just like playing with fire and sharp knives? I really do not know, but I do know that I am enjoying trying to create (maybe that is it - creating) something special.

My wife thinks it is great! She is not allowed in the kitchen on the weekends - it is my place - that is along with the tool cupboard, workbench etc etc.

Am I just trying to find the perfect meal to match with my wines? That may be some of it. My oldest son (16) says he doesn't care why and begs me not to question it or to fight it but rather just to go with it. He may be the sanest person around!

Is the food really restaurant quality?? Maybe about one in every 5 or 6 attempts is? Maybe I ma just egotistical? My family thinks they are restaurant quality - maybe they are just biased?

Who cares? Are we having fun?? YOU BET!!!

What IR changes?

2006-04-03T17:52:00.000+10:00

Is there any really independent body that can tell anyone whether the IR changes are good or bad? It seems that every "voice" out there is an "interested" party.

Can you believe the government in their "everything will be rosy" stance? Can you believe the opposition and unions in the "everything will be chaos" stance? Can you believe the protests two days after the introduction of the IR laws were a spontaneous outpouring of emotion? Or can you believe that they were months in the planning? Can you believe any of the information from employer groups?

Why is it that every time someone talks on the IR changes the first questions anyone must ask are (a) who is this person?, (b) who do they represent?, (c) what is their interest in the matter?, (d) is their's a tainted view? I have yet to find a loud voice from someone who is not "tainted".

How is the average yob supposed to work it all out??

Spin City

2006-04-03T17:49:00.000+10:00

Does the Premier of Queensland really believe anyone is convinced by the argument that because an opposition candidate in the recent by-election didn't win by a larger margin it is a "hollow victory"? What is the prize for coming second in an election??

Why are disasters so good for some?

2006-03-21T07:35:00.000+10:00

Have you ever wondered about just how excited media outlets and politicians get about disasters? Is it their chance to be seen, to try and outdo the rest and gain an audience? Is it a chance for a politician to be seen actually doing something?

Can a politician do anything in a disaster other than take time out of the days of emergency workers he/she visits? Can what they are doing be better done from their office? Is it just that they want to be seen as caring and supportive and to avoid accusations of the opposite?

Is the excitement shown by journalists and anchors in over-reaching with, and over-using, words like 'catestrophic', 'unprecedented' etc almost palpable, or am I just a cynic?

What are you aiming at?

2006-03-20T17:37:00.000+10:00

Why is it that most people aim at nothing ....................... and hit with amazing accuracy?

Cat and toast power!

2006-03-20T17:28:00.000+10:00

If it is true that a cat always lands on its feet and buttered toast always lands buttered side down, could we solve the world's energy problems by strapping thousands of cats together in pairs back-to-back and buttered toast back-to-back and throwing them from tall buildings and harnessing the power generated by the spinning?

Beer & greasy food?

2006-03-20T17:25:00.000+10:00

Why is it that beer always tastes better when accompanied by greasy food? Or is it, the only way that greasy food tastes any good is to have beer with it?

Wire coat hangers and single socks!!

2006-03-20T17:23:00.000+10:00

Why do wire coathangers seem to breed in the wardrobe?? My wife says that this the mature form of the missing single sock! Is this true?

Why is there only one Anti-Competition body?

2006-03-20T17:06:00.000+10:00

The Australian Competition & Consumer Commission is on the lookout so as to guard against monopolies. My question is, if this is the case why is there only one such body?